Hi, we might not know each other, yet. I have talk in the past about a project I have been developing, I named “New Perspective”. But I haven’t really share about where this project comes from. And I guess another bigger question attached to it, who am I?
My name is Lilian. Welcome to my journey.
I am a 28 yo Mexican ex-pat based in Los Angeles. A graphic designer by profession and a digital artist by election even tho, I wear many hats in the film industry nowadays.
I have lived my life in a very nomadic way as I have share before. I never really felt to fit anywhere, but I enjoyed every single step and every single place I have called home. For my first 14 years of life I was an only child and always felt more comfortable being surrounded by older people. I liked to observe people in my surroundings and learn. I grew up like any other child, trying to figure out where should I go and what to dedicate my life to. My passions were creative, my spirit wild and my household let me fly at my speed with the lessons they could hand me.
I learned to be independent, I learned that to listen I need to shut up. That to find love, I needed to give me the chance to heal and stand up by myself. I needed to create the gravity that would pull me towards my destiny and I never thought that I would flourish in so many springs in different ways. I guess I also wanted to ignore that to born again, one needs to die or at least, a part of you. This is where “New Perspective” comes to life.
Creativity brings light to my soul when I see the darkest moments coming, it gives me the tools to see life in a better way. You see, what you see in this photo is a woman who struggles with her mental health since she is a child. She is a human who is scared to trust, who knows what betrayal is in both sides of the street. I’ve been stigmatized for my preferences to love and tagged by professionals in the mind field. I struggle with a gift and a burden with the name of Borderline Personality Disorder. That brings many great treats to the table and create some chaos to even have a table in first place. There are days when depression beats me to the floor, fed by old stories some have told me in the past, that I ended up believing too.
BPD is not only bad news, I have the unique experience to perceive the world in such an intense way. How I can describe it best is this way; some people can see around 10 colors and I can see another 20. I’m highly intuitive and detail oriented, I’m good with people and at listening. Sometimes I am too shy too, because I can get hurt easily, but then again, I am incredibly resilient, versatile and multi talented. I get bored very fast, I need challenges to feed my ambition to grow wiser. Without scarifying being happy.
I wanted to share my art in a particular way. Trends don’t really attract me, I need a content and a message to send, because I realized I want to help others. I wanted to work on topics that I have a connection to, I wanted to do it with the support of my community. I figured it could be a way to show other people that their lives matter. I chose Domestic Violence. Something I have a long history with, something I’m still trying to heal and move on. I had the fortune to know -someone- who connected me to the -where- and the -subjects- so the next step I could unavoidably do, was to jump and try it. Before I knew it, I realized that I was a natural story teller with hunger to change people’s perceptions over uncomfortable topics. I realized then that I was not afraid, because when I work on it I become my passion, and my blood starts bumping faster because my heart is happy. In order to evolve one needs to have a change and that is not always bad. -Change- is the only thing we have in this life for a fact. A precious gift that give us have a thousand new pages to learn from.
Things have took way longer than what I planned in the beginning, but this project has gave me way more than what I expected. It gave me the chance to mirror myself on women who have walked the same path. I found mentors that welcomed me with open arms and no judgements to share. With time, I would recognize dusty and very heavy memories in my mind that I have been carrying all this years. Ironically, I started this project because I wanted to show them my admiration, to celebrate life and to move on to a different perspective in respect of the Domestic Violence topic. And I ended up opening my eyes to things I decided to ignore and I needed to heal, I got reminded that I need to show myself admiration and to celebrate my life too. This project became part of my skin.
Domestic Violence has many faces and can hurt you in very different ways. It not always includes physical memories or even need to be directed to you. It still affects you as a witness and as a subject to emotional, psychological and physical pain. There are scars that no one can see inside my smile, there are many tears hidden in my eyes. But it’s my choice to not be OR become what I was told I was, it’s MY choice to be happy and to love. I will not change my good nature, I will nurture this world however I can find the way to do it with small and big attempts.
You see, all my life I have been scared of being naked to the world and let them know my private pains. In four weeks I will have ended another journey around to the sun. And to be honest, I just realized it a couple of days ago and started thinking about it, what were the gifts that my 28th year gave me? This year have hurt so much because I needed to open old wounds to heal from the core. But in the other hand, I reinforced friendships, took risks and learned so damn much! I’m still scared of many things, but I choose to be fearless and be as uncomfortable as possible, so I can learn new limits and find hidden paths with mentors waiting to teach me things I should pay attention to.
Where am I going? I have no idea, but I am decided to make the best out of every day to come. Let’s heal, breathe and take a moment to listen the song of the wind and it’s secrets.
Much love,
Lilly.